14 days till my last day as Retail Executive.

One year ago, I had no idea what will happen today. I was a final year student, planning to continue my Shaklee business. But things changed when I took enumerator as part time job, I just wanted some money back then.

Upon seeing Ilyani & Rosnani got new permanent job (as nutritionist and retail manager), I started to apply for professional job. I send in resumes to companies that were hiring. At first, I did it just because I was bored. Bored with my life. So applying for job was the only activity I find interesting to do back then.

But, suddenly I received a call from the hiring manager from one of the companies that I have applied job for. And in the blink of eyes, I was hired. On the same day I want for my interview. Everything went so fast and so well.

Now, seven months have passed. I enjoy my work, I enjoy my position. But deep down I feel bored? Not sure whether bored is the right word. But I am neither happy nor sad. Not feeling contented and not stress. I have no feeling, I'm emotionless.

I enjoy doing my work, but maybe I miss the human interaction. Yeah I can talk with my customers, but entah lah I just feel like craving for a change.

Last few months, nenek jatuh sakit. She was found unconscious in the bathroom, probably the effect of hypoglycemia since she has diabetes and it was fasting month. So cik ramlee suruh mak balik untuk jaga nenek, but knowing mum I know she won't be happy if she stays in Pahang.

She's so much happier in Puchong and I don't want to stress her out. Plus mak and nenek tak rapat sangat so I know she will be stress kalau duduk kampung and jaga nenek. But I also understand why Cik Ramlee insists nak mak stay kat kampung. It's nenek's wish and nak someone jaga nenek betul2. He wants the best for his mum, but I want the best for my mum too.

So I decide to volunteer as tribute as the one yang balik kampung and take care of nenek properly. Plus I don't really have commitment yg terikat dengan bank, so I'm the one yg paling suitable la nak balik kampung. Cikda dah ada family, Aziera masih study and mak memang taknak balik kampung.

Actually, I am okay with this idea sebab aku lagi prefer duduk rumah dari pergi kerja hahaha. Tapi aku nak duit juga. I want my own income, I wanna have my own monthly income. I still wants to but good skincare for myself every month and treat myself with good foods regularly. Kalau tak everyday pun at least once per week.

I still want to be able to buy everything that I wanna buy without feeling bad because its my money and by spending I won't go broke because I will still have money.

And most importantly I still wanna give donation regularly. I realize when I have lots of money, I don't berkira2 to sedekah. I can give people money sincerely when I know I'll still get the salary at the end of the month. I am able to choose the best for myself and my family. I love having enough money.

So I have to do something lah to sustain that monthly income, but this time around its by dong any business. Cik Ramlee suggest me to be a car insurance agent cuz he see the demand kat sana when no one is doing Takaful insurance untuk kereta. Plus he's a car sales advisor, so he said he can help supplying the customers.

I'm interested with this idea pun sebab he said he can supply the customers. Hahaha. senang betol buat duit. Tapi I'm scared because I know nothing about cars at all and this is totally opposite with my interests. But the demand is there. Customers are everywhere, just need to pass the exam and get the license.

So I might go for this path while jaga nenek. Tapi at the same time I feel like want to sell skincare, since I've started to have interests on skincare products. Tapi at the same time I feel scared juga sebab I'm scared no one will buy from me. Hahaha. I'm such a scaredy cat.

I am scared to take risks, to try something new and most importantly scared of losing. I'd rather not trying that losing. Tapi sampai bila nak takut. I'm 25 already and in 4 months, I'll be unofficially 26 years old. Takkan takde duit sendiri, takkan takde income sendiri.

At least need to do something for my future and career lah kan. Need to start somewhere. Tapi where is the path to this somewhere? I don't know. Its still blurry. I still don't know whether being insurance agent is a good thing, or should I start selling skincare too or just do both at the same time. Or should I become a content creator and create contents. Tapi tak pandai...

Hmm entahlah nokk